Today marks the 27th anniversary of an accident that could have taken my life. I have been reluctant to talk about this openly outside of my small personal circle. I never quite knew how to explain it to others in a way that would make it useful for them or even why they would need or care to know. As I continue to process it on all levels and as I am moving towards wanting to work with others who have their own stories to process, it feels like now is the time to start my sharing.
I have been reading books and listening to stories (on Oprah Masterclass) recently that have been motivating me to process my own story. These stories have exposed me to other people’s challenges and how they have been able to grow from their own difficult experiences. When I hear them, I realize that it is time to share some of my experiences and see how my own unique challenges have helped to shape me to become the person I now am.
Over the past 27 years I have had two near death experiences which were pretty intense and changed me physically and emotionally. One took place when I was 29 and the other was when I was 42 . They taught me a lot about myself and created physical and emotional challenges for me which I have been working through ever since.
The first one (on this day 27 years ago ) occurred when I was 29. I was at home in the middle of the night and a man who was the ex boyfriend of my roommate at the time broke into our house. He wanted to confront her and do who knows what else to her. Unfortunately I was stuck in the middle of their situation. The very scary night ended with me jumping out of a window and fracturing my ankle and lower back. This incident required a lengthy hospital stay and a year of rehabilitation to enable me to regain a full recovery. I continue to live with physical limitations due to the injuries sustained and have utilized a variety of healing modalities to help to recover and to release the trauma that was sustained.
The story of the incident is much more detailed and perhaps another time I will share more of the details, but all that needs to be said at this time is I was made to feel like I was a bad person for being myself. Bad for being a strong Jewish woman, bad for being home instead of out that night and bad for trying to stand up to this evil person that broke into my house hoping to do harm to me and to my roommate. I eventually prevailed, I rehabilitated back to a new normal state and found my footing in life. I discovered new things that I had not previously been interested in and made a course correction to life as I knew it. I discovered my inner and spiritual life by studying with Yogi Amrit Desai and getting deeper into my own spiritual beliefs. I continue to grow in this manner and have been wandering around through a variety of practices but ultimately I believe as Swami Satchidananda says, “ Many Paths, One Truth”. This year as I continue to practice yoga and meditation and listen to and sing kirtan, I am reading the entire Bible, New and Old Testament combined in The One Year Bible, which has a daily reading of OT, NT, a Psalm and a Proverb.
Today’s reading was very appropriate for what the day symbolizes for me each year. Every year on 8/3, I go to bed hoping that I will wake up uneventfully as I have for 55 out of the 56 years I have been around. I wake up on 8/4 grateful for the blessing of being alive and well and happy for the life I am living and the choices I am making.
This was included in my reading for today:
Psalm 27: 1-6
The Lord is my light and my salvation-
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek;
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
I will say that I definitely don’t have all things figured out, about anything. What I do know is that I am grateful to be alive; I know that there is a bigger purpose for the trials that I have been through. I know that the Lord has my back, my enemies may attack me and they will stumble and fall. I will not be afraid because the Lord has been there to protect and shelter me and keep me safe in his dwelling, even when I was unaware that I was there. I have always believed that there are angels watching over me, keeping me safe. I know that I am a blessed and loved child of God. I will continue to do all that I can to help others to feel safe and loved and accepted for who they are. I will strive to continue to find my way in the world and do the work that I was meant to do. I will sing and make music to the Lord because I was meant to do that also.